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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529178">and you're not what i asked for</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian'>HuiLian</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bat Family 18+ Discord Server January Prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Conversations, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, No editing we die like mne, and, getting to trust each other, those first few months of their tenure as batman &amp; robin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:22:34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28529178</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HuiLian/pseuds/HuiLian</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>But once the words came out, it cannot be stopped. “I never asked for you to come, I never asked for you to stay, I never asked for you to be here! If this city and this work is so abhorrent to you-” Dick turns to face the boy “-then you are free to go at any time!” he finishes with a yell. </p><p>He regrets the words the moment they came out, because the look on Damian’s face isn’t shock or anger. It’s acceptance. </p><p>Like Damian knows this is coming, and has been preparing himself for it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dick Grayson &amp; Damian Wayne</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Bat Family 18+ Discord Server January Prompts [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2089863</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>104</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Bat Family 18+ Discord Server January Prompt Event</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and you're not what i asked for</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! this is the first installment on the Batfam 18+ Discord Server January Event! The prompt for day 3 is "I never asked to have you in my life", and, since i'm basic, i'm going the dick &amp; damian route (and because i haven't written the two of them in a while!). </p><p>enjoy! and thanks to everyone in the server who listened to me ramble on and on about this!</p><p>title from she used to be mine on waitress, because really, it fits so well! (and because that song is half the inspiration for this fic. i recommend reading this with it on, because i wrote this with it on!)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It wasn’t a good patrol. That was a surprise in and of itself, because the two of them have generally learned how to work around, and more importantly, <em>with</em> each other. Dick has learned a lot of Damian’s quirks, Damian has learned a lot of Dick’s, and for the past couple of weeks, all of their patrol was, if not the best that it can be, at least fairly good. </p><p>This one was not. It was disaster after disaster, and Dick doesn’t even know whether the fault is his or Damian’s, because every single thing they did tonight was out of sync. Dick thought he had told Damian about the code for one of the flying maneuvers--it was a maneuver that he and Bruce used to do all those years ago, when Dick is still small enough to make it work--but <em>obviously</em> he hadn’t, because he told Robin the code and then Damian, instead of bracing himself to be launched up, went slack, causing Dick to throw a limp mass of Robin to their attackers. </p><p>It went horribly. It was only luck that caused them to get out of that particular encounter unscathed. Well, <em>physically</em> unscathed, at least, because that particular mishap seemed to throw off their rhythm for the night.</p><p>It was a horrible patrol. Dick is tired and cranky and all he wants to do is take off this damned cowl and cape and crash for several hours straight, at least. </p><p>Which is why when Damian starts to criticize everything about the maneuver, one that Dick had spent months, once upon a time, developing with Bruce, it hits him. <em>Hard</em>. </p><p>“Not to mention that it is a very inefficient way to apprehend those criminals,” Damian drones on. “Honestly, Grayson, I expected better of the man who dared called himself Batman in my Father’s place. It is a <em>shameful</em> excuse for a maneuver.”</p><p>Dick really shouldn’t react. The boy is just fishing him on. Dick learned that early on, working with Damian. He’s like a little hedgehog, curling up into a ball and stabbing people with his spikes whenever he feels threatened or hurt. </p><p>“But really, I should have known that this is the quality of work I should be getting accustomed to in this forsaken city. How you manage before my arrival I will never know, if tonight is of any indication.”</p><p>Dick tries to let the words go past him. Damian is just trying to rile up Dick. The boy is not stupid, he knows that his complaining is not going to achieve anything other than making Dick mad. Which means that that is precisely what Damian is going for, and so Dick is <em>not</em> going to be mad. </p><p>“Why I consented to come to this city and <em>stay</em> I will never know,” Damian finishes with a sneer. </p><p>Dick takes a deep breath in, and then out. He reminds himself that Damian is just talking his mouth off. Damian just wants to relieve his own frustrations for the night in the only way he knows, by taking it on others and making others hurt in his stead. </p><p>Dick knows all of this. He <em>knows</em>. </p><p>That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. </p><p>“Well, have you ever considered that I <em>never</em> asked to have you in my life!” Dick finally spits out. He <em>knows</em> that Damian is only saying all that shit because Damian is also tired and cranky and frustrated after the disastrous patrol, and that he is only a ten-year old boy that has spent the majority of his childhood taught to lash out whenever he felt threatened. Dick <em>knows</em> all of it.</p><p>But once the words came out, it cannot be stopped. “I <em>never</em> asked for you to come, I <em>never</em> asked for you to stay, I <em>never</em> asked for you to be here! If this city and this work is so abhorrent to you-” Dick turns to face the boy “-then you are free to go at any time!” he finishes with a yell. </p><p>He regrets the words the moment they came out, because the look on Damian’s face isn’t shock or anger. It’s acceptance. </p><p>Like Damian knows this is coming, and has been preparing himself for it. </p><p>“Thank you for your honesty, Grayson,” Damian says with a clipped voice. And then he turns around, every movement calm and collected in a way that tells Dick that he is in <em>no way</em> calm and collected, and walks out of the room. </p><p>Dick opens his mouth to call on Damian, but he closes it again. The boy won’t answer, Dick knows that much, and Damian needs some time to himself to calm down. </p><p>Just like <em>Dick</em> needs some time to calm down.</p><p>What he said is true. Every word of it. It isn’t fair to Damian--<em>none </em>of this is--but it is true. Dick never asked to have Damian in his life. He shouldn’t have said it out loud, especially to the boy himself, but it is true. Dick is honest enough to know that. </p><p>But then he also never asked to have Bruce in his life. He never asked to have Alfred, or Jason or Tim or Cassandra or practically every single person he now considers family, in his life. </p><p>He is happy enough with the rest of them. </p><p>Dick sighs, and sits down on the chair in front of the computer. The chair is new, just like the computer (which Dick still cannot bring himself to call the Batcomputer yet). The suit he is in is new, and so are most of the things in the Bunker, underneath the equally new Penthouse of the newly refurbished Wayne Tower. </p><p>And therein lies the truth. </p><p>It’s not that Dick never asked to have Damian in his life. It’s the fact that he is now responsible for him. It’s the fact that he is now <em>raising</em> him, when it should have been…</p><p>He never asked for this. He never asked to have to come back to Gotham to keep it from falling apart. He never asked to have to step into Bruce’s shoes. He never asked to have to be the one <em>raising</em> his little brother, because Bruce…</p><p>Because Bruce died.</p><p>If Dick is being honest to himself--and why not, what more harm could he do now, after he has said <em>that</em> to Damian’s face--as much as he’s grown to love the little brat now, in the first few days after Bruce’s death, he would have traded it all. His father for a new little brother that is as <em>infuriating</em> as Damian was? It wouldn’t have been a contest. </p><p>His father, and his old life, and his freedom? Against Damian? He hates himself for saying this, but then, he would have traded it all in a heartbeat.</p><p>But he couldn’t, then, and now… And now he doesn’t want to. </p><p>Which makes what he said to Damian all the worse. </p><p>Dick sighs again, letting his head fall behind the back of the chair. He needs to go, needs to make sure that Damian is not going to do something as foolish as leave, but he’s not sure whether or not Damian is going to want to see him. He could ask Alfred to keep an eye out for Damian, but the old butler already has so many things to do, Dick doesn’t want to ask him to do more. </p><p>Besides, this is <em>his</em> mess. He should be the one taking care of it. </p><p>Dick sighs one last time before rising up, preparing himself for one more night of standing vigil in front of Damian’s door. </p><p>***</p><p>Damian knows it’s coming. He knows that one day, he would have to leave, all of Grayson’s pitiful attempts at denial notwithstanding. It’s just another trick, another test. </p><p>Say that nothing would make him throw Damian out, and then see how many mistakes Damian made. A glaringly obvious tactic. </p><p>He grows tired of the deception, or so Damian tells himself when he goaded Grayson. Last night’s patrol had been yet another evidence of his many inadequacies. Damian has been here for <em>weeks</em> already, he should have known all the codes.</p><p>A foolish mistake, but a mistake that costs them the patrol all the same. Grayson <em>must</em> be thinking of throwing Damian off, he must be. There is no other option. </p><p>So Damian goaded him, because if he is going to leave, he is going to leave under his own terms. </p><p>And so here he is, in his room, waiting for the sun to rise so that he can leave Gotham undetected. He doesn’t need to pack--his go-bag hasn’t been unpacked ever since he arrived in Gotham--and so he spends the time going over his route. Which he already knows by heart. </p><p>He knows it’s coming, he knows that he’s going to have to leave eventually, so he does his best to block the echo of Grayson’s words. It’s nothing he hasn’t suspected before. It’s nothing he hasn’t deduced before. </p><p>It somehow still hurts to hear it from the older man’s lips. </p><p>When the sun finally, <em>finally</em>, rises and bathes the room in light, Damian takes his go-bag out of its hiding place, and then releases it again. Another half hour, to make sure that there is enough people in the building and on the streets for him to blend into. </p><p>He spends the half-hour going over his route, <em>again</em>, because as much as he underestimated Grayson when he first met him, Damian knows better now.</p><p>And then, the half-hour too is gone. He has to leave. He <em>has</em> to leave. It’s better to leave on your own accord rather than be drummed out of Gotham, or worse, being escorted back to Mother. </p><p>Damian takes one last look at the room, and decides that he needs to go over his plan one more time. It never hurts to be prepared. </p><p>Take the stairs down, then, at the second level, take the public elevator down to the lobby of the Wayne Tower. At this time in the morning, there should already be people taking the public elevator, so Damian can blend in. Keep in the crowd until you’re out of the Tower, and then walk several blocks east, until he can take a bus to the edge of Gotham. Then, take another bus back <em>in</em> to Gotham, without paying or showing any signs of his presence this time, and go down at several stops before his destination. Then he can just walk to the safehouse he keeps in the outskirts of Gotham. </p><p>He’ll figure out just where to go in the bus. </p><p>Damian lifts up the go-back, and if it only contains the absolute necessity he needs to survive then that’s his own business, and opens the door. </p><p>Only to be met by Grayson, who jumps awake when Damian has opened enough of the door to see him. </p><p>Damian freezes. This shouldn’t be happening. Grayson should be asleep in his own bed, <em>far</em> away from Damian. He should be rejoicing that he’s not going to be burdened by Damian anymore. He <em>shouldn’t</em> be sitting in front of Damian’s door, waiting for someone he never even asked to be in his life in the first place. </p><p>Why is Grayson here?</p><p>Grayson recovers first. “Damian,” he says, and then he stops, face scrunching. Silence stretches between the two of them, silence that Damian doesn’t want to break first. </p><p><em>Why is Grayson here</em>?</p><p>“I’m sorry,” Grayson finally says. “I shouldn’t have said that.”</p><p>Damian just looks at him. He wants to believe it, but he knows he shouldn’t. It’s always coming, whether it is today or tomorrow or months later. He would have to leave. </p><p>That is inevitable. </p><p>“I shouldn’t have said that,” Grayson says again. “I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t mean that, because you deserve better than a lie, but I want you to know that even though I never asked for you, it doesn’t mean that I don’t want you.”</p><p>Damian grips the straps on his bag tighter. A cheap tactic. That is all. A cheap tactic because Grayson knows, just like Damian does, that it would be much better for Damian to make his own way to Mother rather than be escorted by Grayson. </p><p>It would be much better for Damian, when he eventually must face Mother again, and so Grayson is striving to make it more difficult. </p><p>“I want you to stay, Damian,” Grayson continues. “I’m sorry for saying that. I’m sorry for losing my temper. I’m sorry that I made you feel unwanted.”</p><p>He would have to leave, Damian chants inside his head. He would have to leave eventually. </p><p>“I want you to stay, but if you want to leave, I’m not going to stop you. Just… Wait until we can arrange for something better, at least? So that you don’t have to go with just one go-bag.”</p><p>Damian looks into Grayson’s eyes. Grayson is a good actor. He must be, to survive many undercover missions. Grayson is a good actor, and so everything that Damian reads off him could be entirely wrong. </p><p>He would have to leave, eventually. He knows that. Grayson knows that too. </p><p>But it doesn’t have to be today. </p><p>Damian drops his go-bag just outside his room--he can always make another go-bag later, and anyhow, it would be a good exercise--and nods, never taking his eyes away from Grayon’s face. Then, he turns around and closes his door</p><p>Faintly, he hears a sigh from outside the door. He would have tell Grayson, and maybe Pennyworth, that he intends to stay. For now, at least, and for longer that it would take for them to arrange for, in Grayson’s words, something better. But that can wait. </p><p>That can wait for later. </p><p>Damian would have to leave, eventually. He knows that, and Grayson must know that also. But it doesn’t have to be today. And it doesn’t have to be tomorrow, either. </p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you so much for reading! consider dropping some kudos or comments to sustain this author, maybe??</p><p>come talk to me on tumblr (huilian.tumblr.com)!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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